Things Only Malaysian Stay-at-Home Mums Would Understand

I envy mums with well behaved children. But let’s face it, they can’t be angels forever.

Public mealtimes are often the hardest for me. While other peoples’ children sit quietly like angels in public, deep down I’m yearning to wave my little rotan just to get my point across.

“What was that you said? How dare you answer back!” “Balik rumah nanti mama suapkan chili padi baru tau.” Sound familiar? Yea, you don’t talk back to a Malaysian mum. No siree.

And if she tells you to look at her while she’s talking to you, you do it. Then if she says you’re being too brazen, you promptly return your gaze to the floor and await the intending rotan. Also know this, no matter how many rotans you hide and chuck out, mum always have a spare stashed somewhere.

How about throwing in the old: “If you don’t listen to me, I’ll ask the guard/that big uncle/ momok/hantu to come get you” or “Bye! Mummy’s leaving!” then go hide in the corner to see if it worked. I can tell you from experience the second threat doesn’t work at all.

Do you ALSO struggle to get your kids to drink up every last drop of water in their water bottle? It is definitely the second hardest thing next to food for my kids to ingest. “Boy ah, you know these days very hot ah. You better not come home with your bottle half full again ah!” (Cue rotan threat here).

Only 3 jobs in the world!

You groom your kids into thinking they are only 3 main jobs in the world: Doctor, Doctor and Doctor. Then send them for endless tuition, scour Facebook Mother Groups for the best everything: textbooks, reference books, tuitions and the latest learning methods.

You will also have plans that they master at least one musical instrument, is actively doing one sport activity and schedule play dates with the right influences. Start networking now I say. Kiasu much?

Be sure to know who’s who, so you will know the right questions to ask when interrogating the kids about who they are hanging out with. Malaysian mamas must always be one step ahead.

Remember, this is on top of the 30 or so other questions on how, where, when, what and who else. “Eh, Girl ah. Why you didn’t answer my call? You know how late liao ah? Girls shouldn’t stay out so late ok? Not nice. You come home now.” Then we stalk our kids on social media and sometimes like their friends’ posts too.

And as much as we say we won’t compare, but when peer pressure actually worked, we start using it everywhere. “You know your che-che at your age already swimming laps lo…” “Did you know your cousin Muthu scored 10As? So clever!” Hint-hint.

But secretly we think our kids are amazing anyway, so we document and share milestones reached and achievements every where: family whatsapp group lah, blog lah, social media lah complete with show-offy pics and praises. We of course reserve juicy details for over the wall gossip with the neighbour’s wife.

So there you have it – these are some of the many relatable things we grew up with and are now currently going through it ourselves as parents. But of course swinging the rotan and scolding should never be taken too far. Remember that there’s always precious moments to being a stay at home mum. My kids are the best company one could ever ask for.