Just because you have won your husband over doesn’t necessarily guarantee that you’ve also won his mother over. Most of the time mothers-in-law can remain aloof to you even years into the marriage.
In fact some of them can even be downright cruel.
But how do you know if your mother-in-law’s behaviour is just part of her nature or if her cruelty toward you stems from hatred?
Laura Lifshitz of Popsugar offers these telling signs:
She snubs your invites
Laura says that if your MIL always finds a way to skip out of a gathering that you’re throwing, chances are she hates your guts.
“If you want the holidays at your house and she’s passionate about breaking bread at hers, she will dramatically snub your idea and offer a billion other reasons that she should be the big hostess for the day.”
Tears you down to her child
Not only does she make it a point to find something to complain about you, but she does it in front of your husband.
“She criticises you at every turn to her kid and makes it clear that she feels her child is better than you,” Laura says. “In her eyes, you can do no RIGHT and are certainly not a match for her darling child.”
Undermines you and your parenting decisions
She will make it a point to contradict your choices, or find something to disagree with. Worse, she will insist that you do certain things the way she does it, because in her eyes she’s better, more experienced, more correct.
Keeps you close enough to pick at you
This one is tricky because she won’t openly push you away, but instead she will keep you close enough not to draw any attention.
Often they will drop a passive-aggressive comment which will make you wonder, “did she really say that?” And then proceeds immediately to saying something nice.
“The switch-over from passive-aggressive attacks to sweet comments is carried out in such a sophisticated manner that it’s hard for you to debate your case with your partner.”
Next page find out what you can do as a daughter-in-law
What you can do instead
Laura says the most important thing to keep in mind is to be the bigger person between the two of you, and as much as possible try see things through her eyes.
Equally important is talking to your husband about your mother-in-law’s attitude towards you. That way he will be aware of what’s really going on.
“Even if Grandma is a royal witch, you need to keep mum about your feelings in front of your children,” says Laura. “They don’t need to hear how much you don’t like her. Let them have a relationship with her, if it is possible.”
She added: “If she is really awful, the kids will see for themselves later on down the line, but having a grandma is a great gift.”
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