An incident that grabbed our local headlines recently was in Sarawak where a two year old girl was stabbed by her mother, May* with a pair of scissors.
The girl suffered from a 3 centimeters deep cut that almost reached her skull.
Mother threw a pair of scissors
Apparently, May was having a heated argument with her husband and intentionally threw the scissors at him and missed. Instead she stabbed her own daughter in the head.
The event that took place in Jalan Tanjung, Miri paints a clear picture of how lack of self control contributed to the tragedy.
Reports states that the father immediately sent his daughter to the nearest hospital and lodged a police report on the same day. May is currently under police custody while the case is being investigated.
Fighting in front of the kids
Previously some experts shared their views stating that fighting in front of the kids are consider ‘healthy’ and reassured us that the experience will not affect the children as long as they see the parents make up at the end of the day.
Some say it is good that children sees the parents talk about their issues and deal with them openly. But now more research is coming out supporting the fact that fighting in front of the kids is doing more harm than good.
Traumatized kids have high level of stress hormones
The recent developments in neurological research are challenging the current view with reports that states a child is severely traumatized with just ‘loud voices’.
Their stress levels will shoots up and will take some time to diminish. In the long run this can cause behavioral problems like anxiety, misbehavior and defiance as children are still not capable of dealing with their fear of losing their sense of security that can comes from seeing parents fighting with each other.
To fight or not to fight
Most experts state that as parents, we are allowed to make mistakes and mend them. But when it comes to fighting, the first rule that should be implemented is to fight fairly.
Dr Phil advice on fighting fairly is, “Stop being a ‘right-fighter’. The kids don’t care who’s right. They want you to shut up.”
How to fight the right way
We have compiled these tips that will be the foundation in changing the way you fight with your spouse.
1) What to do when one parents snaps at the other?
Immediately apologize and explain the reason behind your outburst. Kids will understand that anyone can get angry but we are responsible for our emotions and we should apologize and reconnect with our loved ones.
2) What to do when a disagreement ensues?
The rule of fighting fair is working through a disagreement by agreeing to find a win/win solution. Being good natured about making tough decisions will create a nurturing environment to our children to understand about decision making process where shouting and emotional blackmail do not plays a part.
3) What to do when there a conflict brewing underneath a façade of happiness?
This is where common sense should kick you in the head and yelled for you to just get a room. Realizing that there is a conflict that needs to be addressed is already a first step towards building a healthier relationship.
So take some time out if your children are around, and still maintain your hugs and kisses as a commitment to your relationship and a commitment to seeing that your children are in a safe environment.
Control your anger
Most parents will blame the situations or conditions that they are in, citing lack of sleep or financial problems to be justified losing control in front of the children.
But Dr Phil’s advice about anger management rings true to many parents alike. He said “Don’t say you can’t control your anger. That’s not true. It’s that you don’t control your anger. Have you had fights at your boss’s house? At church? At a restaurant with friends? You don’t do it when you can’t.”
Enough said!
* Name is changed to protect privacy
REFERENCES
Mother accidentally stabs her 2-year-old girl
Do You Fight In Front of Your Kids?
Stop Fighting In Front of the Kids