Do you have the typical old-fashioned husband who believes that it’s a woman’s job to run the household while he goes out to “gather”? Quick to nag around the house, doesn’t lift a finger, comes home and sits in front of the TV, leaving you with your pile of house chores, dinner to rush and cranky, pent-up kids.
Despite the improvement on gender equality, this scenario is all too familiar in families across Malaysia. Work or no work, women still do more chores than men. Cultural stereotypes also contributes to this where it is not socially acceptable for a man to become a caregiver at home.
image source: celebblogger
I really love how Chef Wan had a different take on this :
- “The stigma among Malaysians that men who do housework are like pondans (transsexuals) should be removed as it can have a negative effect on the family institution.”
- “Men who do housework are not necessarily weak and soft. They do it to help their wives who are probably tired after working in the office.”
- “Men, husbands and fathers should set a good example to children by helping in any way possible at home.” (thestar.com.my)
So what can we say to get our husbands on the same page? Here are some things you can try:
Help, and you might get lucky…
No, I’m not suggesting that it be sexual and you prance about in sexy lingerie while vacuuming the floor. More likely that wont get any chores done at all(ahaks!).
Explain that if you didn’t have so much on your plate, you would be more in the mood for other things. But of course there are rubbish studies that claim that men who regularly do housework, such as cooking and cleaning, have less sex than men who don’t bother. What a load of nonsense. I think guys who do chores are hot.
Shower praises
Even when all you want to do at the end of the day is to lob him over the head.
I make sure I “notice” when he starts the laundry or clears the kids toys. Even the smallest chores done. Who doesn’t love hearing appraisals like “Thanks for helping with the dishes!” or “Thanks for vacuuming. I had a really hard day today and didn’t get to it.” Rub their egos a little and you’d be surprised.
Keep reminders short and sweet
Because if it’s one thing they hate, it is nagging. Long, over detailed instructions doesn’t work too. Or anything that sounds condescending. Instead of saying, “You better don’t forget to tapau or we won’t have anything to eat,” try just a simple, “Don’t for get to tapau later.” Remember we are trying to entice them to help, not scold them into doing it.
Don’t hover
Or stick around and give a play-by-play how the chore should be done. So leave them to figure it out and let them do it their way. Close one eye if you have to, and lower your standards. Be willing to compromise and negotiate. Even if you have the chore down to the best method, your spouse may not share your sentiments. Most men will just say: “You want it done YOUR way? You do it then.”
Not on my terms
image source: bristolwood.net
I have started using the safety of our super inquisitive two year old, as a way of negotiating. My husband fancies the odd DIY projects every once in a while, but he isn’t as quick to clear tools and tends to leave them lying around. So I say: ‘The tools on the floor aren’t safe for Jean’, and it seems to work.
But in all things, I am grateful for what little help I can get. Men are very literal creatures and sometimes you just have to tell them what to do or what is needed of them. Not all of them are lazy, some are just plain clueless.
