How having an affair affects your kids
This is an ad for married men and women, published in a magazine.
“Are you in a love-less marriage or a stagnant relationship?
We’re here to help you escape!
It’s so easy to enjoy a secret, discreet affair and find love.
Over 8000 members already enrolled.
One of them could be your lover!”
Below it was a form to fill in your details.
Sounds sleazy! Yet, it’s so true. The ad screams out the top reasons why a married person goes in for an affair –a stagnant marriage or no love life. But affairs come with a cost – much more than you can think of! By the end of this article, hopefully you will find out what and how much.
Related: 7 tips to make your marriage work
People don’t just betray their partners when they shatter family life with a serious affair — the sad truth is that their children grow up believing their parents have been unfaithful to them too.
There is substantial research on the short and long-term effects of affairs breaking a marriage and ending up in a bitter divorce.
For children, the most common problems include –
• a low self-esteem,
• a sense of being abandoned,
• poor performance at school,
• anti-social behavior,
• and the grief of not being able to live with both parents.
Moreover, by tearing a child’s loyalty in two, parents inflict profound damage on their tender minds. To make matters worse, research has shown that around half of all fathers lose contact with their offspring within two years of the separation.
It doesn’t end at that. These problems store up to create future problems in their own relations as adults. It could be marital problems, like their inability to form lasting relationships due to lack of trust or having their own affair.
Lizan was only aged 7, when her mother discovered about her father’s illicit affair. ‘I find it hard to trust my husband. Especially when he is late and doesn’t answer his phone, I don’t take any of his excuses unless backed with some sound proof,’ she says. Due to this, they end up fighting all the time. ‘Whatever happened to my family then, is affecting my family now, even though I’m 32.’
Related: Help your children deal with divorce
Spouses into affairs don’t just lie to their partners, they often deceive themselves. The last thing though people involved in an affair, are likely to think about, is the impact of their infidelity on their child’s lives.
If we can take responsibility of a child, we also owe it to them, to help them deal with a break-up or divorce. So what can be done, if you do end up having an affair with an inevitable divorce in the offing? The expected damages can surely be negated if not completely voided.
Do’s
Any stress, humiliation and rage must be unloaded far away from the children.
Provide age appropriate information and answer all their doubts.
Both parents should be involved in school activities and their lives
Don’ts
Don’t lose your child’s trust by lying any further.
Don’t indulge in bad mouthing your spouse in front of kids.
Don’t make them take sides.
This explains the after-math of an easy to get into steamy affair. So which side are you on? If we still hear you complaining about the love-less and stagnant marriage do check the following link to spice up your marriage.
Related: 8 ways to romance your wife; How to romance your man
There are no short cuts to success and so also a happy and successful marriage.
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