10 kinds of mum guilt
Read our list of the 10 most common guilts that most mums encounter. Find out if you experience these guilts and how to beat them!
Isn’t it rewarding as a mother to hear compliments pouring out on our kid. But what makes us sulk and feel rather the opposite is ‘Mum Guilt’. All mums know what we are talking about here. We go through this almost every day – moments which made us feel – ‘Oh No, what did I do?’ Or, ‘What was I thinking to do such a thing?’
“When guilt starts to take the enjoyment out of your day-to-day life with kid’s, that’s when you know it’s time to address it,” says Devra Renner, a mom of two and co-author of the book ‘Mommy Guilt’.
In recent years, I have encountered many child-induced forms of mommy guilt. So here are 10 types of mum guilt; practically every mum goes through.
Mum Guilt #1. Not spending time playing with them
After completing all your chores you are exhausted. Yet, before the tired feeling creeps in, you already are on a guilt trip for not spending time with your kid.
Mum Guilt #2. Mom where is my favourite shirt?
Kids tend to ditch the zillion clothes sitting in the closet for that one favourite. Though setting it aside is the best resort to get them to choose something else, their sad faces could put mum’s guilty pleas in the offing.
Mum Guilt #3. Why did I use the word in front of my kids!
Lately when you heard your kid using a cuss word, you realize where he caught up on it. While speaking over the phone, we go overboard while exclaiming, using words we normally avoid. The guilt feeling sinks in when he asks, ‘If you can say it, then why, can’t I.’
Mum Guilt #4. Not being able to keep all their artwork from school
Though considered prized possession by your little one you need to let go off or they will pile up at one corner of the home.
Mum Guilt #5. Not videotaping the most memorable moments
You wish you could videotape great moments to cherish forever. If your camcorder is not at arm’s length you probably lost watching her take her first step. Either ways you would feel guilty.
Mum Guilt #6. Ewww. Mom…What’s this in my dish?
You add some carrot in your picky eater’s favourite dish. When she happens to know this, she wouldn’t eat dinner and goes to bed empty stomach. The harshest punishment a mom can think of!
Mum Guilt #7. Mom you never believe me!
I didn’t believe in my son’s story and started to yell at him, when it was not his fault. Later I just told him sorry and promised to get to the details before taking a stand. He realizes now that I expect good behavior from him too.
Mum Guilt #8. Mom, you are on your IPad instead of playing with me
Kids often feel you should be at their disposable all the time. Discuss and keep things straight. Though kids are our main priority there are other essential things we need to do. No guilt feeling here as long as we tend to ours kid’s needs, when it’s absolutely necessary.
Mum Guilt #9. But you promised me, didn’t you?
A pal had prepared a chocolate cake for her son’s 6th birthday. He had asked for an Iron man candle on it but she couldn’t get one anywhere. Her son pronounced her guilty to the core as he was denied what he was promised. No amount of convincing not even the yummiest chocolate cake did any good.
Mum Guilt #10. Yelling at kids
This is the classic one. No mom ever feels good about yelling at kids. Yet when children test your patience that is the only way to show them you have lost your cool.
How to beat mum guilt?
Feeling guilty is normal. But, when pangs of guilt pierce you heart, it could drain you out. You might often end up losing interest in other things as well. Before mom guilt beats you up, you beat mom guilt in the below mentioned ways.
Quality time to quantity
Reflect on the time you spend with your kids. Don’t strive to be perfect moms, instead try being a ‘Doing-the-best-that-I-can’ mom, which we reasonably are.
Teaching them to be independent
Agreed babies are totally dependent beings. But with time, being more independent is a part of growing which kids need to learn. Guide them instead of doing all their work.
Precious ‘Me’ time
Remember we need and deserve a ‘ME’ time. In case you feel guilty doing your own thing, please don’t be. Me time helps you to re-energise and carry on your duties more sanely.
Though it may be hard to put your foot down, teach them that everything they desire or wish for isn’t possible. Kids are not equipped to take decisions or make rules. That’s your job.
Finally, if you are rightfully guilty of something, you owe no one but your child. Resolve not to repeat it. Reassess your priorities so you can pick and choose your commitments.