Baby vs. Marriage – What Is The Limit?
Would you choose your baby over your marriage? Choosing your child over your marriage can prove to be hard on your marriage and not so great for your kids. Learn how focusing on your relationship can not only yield a healthier marriage but also happier children.
Louis, 33, an HR manager, recalls an incident of 'baby after marriage' realities:
It was 8 a.m., I was caught up in the early morning get-the-kids-to-school routine: shoes, breakfast, bag packs. While I took a final check at the school calendar hoping I had dressed Simon, my 3 year old in the right colored shirt for his red day at preschool, I caught my husband eye.
"Honey, do you know what today is?" Chris said with a wistful smile.
My mind still thinking about the days schedule packed with kids activities - signing up for swim lessons, planning my daughter's 5th birthday party, getting them costumes for Halloween.
Then it struck me! It was our anniversary. I had forgotten about it!
I hugged him tight and kissed him remorsefully, tears in my eyes. How could I let this slip my mind! Something's got to change.
The real situation when you have baby after marriage
When you say to your partner ‘I do’ you don’t set out to commit to a child-centered and get ready for the presence of baby after marriage. It starts with your best intentions for your child. In your quest to be a perfect parent you only hope you're doing enough for your offspring. They rack up whatever is available for them which could be endless in today’s commercial world.
"It's almost as if you're failing your kids if you don't lavish endless attention on them," says Betsy Brown Braun, author of ‘You’re Not the Boss of Me’.
"Competitive parenting is a new national pastime. Unfortunately, kids can stress out from the pressure of living their parents' dreams. This creates stressed-out parents who feel disconnected from each other and demanding kids.”
Love in marriage = A happy family
Researchers who study family behavior agree that a strong bond between parents is the heart of a happy family.
No matter how profane it sounds you need to put your relationship before your children. A strong relationship provides security for your children and demonstrates how a loving, respectful partnership should be.
A husband and a best friend
This is what reality star Giuliana Rancic has to say about her prioritizing between marriage and child.
“We're husband and wife, but we're also best friends, and it's funny because a lot of people, when they have kids, they put the baby first, and the marriage second. That works for some people. For us, I find, we put our marriage first and our child second, because the best thing we can do for him is have a strong marriage.”
“So we're even stronger than we ever were before and even imagined we could be. It's kind of amazing ... I always say to Bill, 'You were my first baby,' because he was! He was my first love and my first baby and Duke is my second baby,” said the 37-year-old breast-cancer survivor.
Relationships has to be balanced
It may sound it goes against the golden rule of motherhood, the one that tells - being a good mother means sacrificing all for the happiness and well-being of our children.
The truth is all your relations need to be balanced. Don’t put aside your own needs for your children’s or for that matter don’t make them ever so dependent on you. Every relation needs nurturing so why keep marriage short of time and space.
You don’t have to put one away to keep the other. The trick is to take some time out of your busy daily chores and create a space just for your partner and you to be intimate.
For example, wake up earlier than the kids to chat over coffee. Few couples report dining à deux after the kids are asleep at least once a week. Or have a movie date.
Your small efforts could help you in a big way towards getting back to intimacy. Not to mention it also takes off the pressure of parenthood!