theAsianparent Malaysia’s Dad writer Theva (center) with his wife and three kids
Days Of A Father
My wife and I prepared our bodies for pregnancy the usual ways. Cleansing with fasts, taking pure foods and drinks and avoiding artificial foods and cigarette-smoke-infested areas. After 3 months of this, we allowed the conditions for pregnancy to take place. And take place it did, very quickly.
You see, we decided early on that we would commit this phase of our lives to three children, the number we had decided on. Two sons and one daughter are what we have with us now. Contradictory to what many new schools of thought say about focusing on yourself too, we determined that we should sacrifice a shirt decade of our lives to ensure the best possible start for our children.
That’s what we did, and it turned out to be the best decade of our lives.
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I must admit I became a little paranoid about everything that concerned my children. Having a neuroscientist father and a pharmacist mother, my children were born into and lived through what was probably a very scientifically designed environment, diet and living. I also came to see that most pharmacist would never give their own kids what they would give other kids when the prescription asked for it.
Being a father for the first, second and third times did not make any difference in the way I reacted to each of my babies. I think the smell of babies, the feel of their skin, the touch of their fingers and the mess they make evoke programmed responses in fathers, that make us very protective and yet aloof at the same time.
My theory is that from the day baby is born, fathers do everything to prepare the child to leave the home, and mothers do everything they can to keep the babies home. This combination is needed to ensure the precious baby becomes a delightful child and a wonderful adult.
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The good and the bad
My children are 17, 15 and 13 now. All are unique personalities, and all perform on the world’s stage already. I count the days excitedly till when they will leave home, and my wife sadly does the same.
There has never been the worst and the best parts of being a father. It has been a voyage of discovery, never knowing what has changed in my children’s personalities, motivations and expectations. Discovering that yesterday’s favourite is today’s enemy is a constant headache. They never watch me, but absorb everything that happens anyway – so I always have to be on my guard in case they throw my logic, arguments and swearing back at me.
Being a father is never like a box of chocolates. I know what I will get, but I am never prepared anyway.
That is what the days of being a father mean to me. It means being constantly ready to explode into action because something has happened in my child’s life, or because something needs to happen. But it never is…work.
Their genes sing to mine, and it transcends love or attachment.
Fathers everywhere know this. We become powerful when that realization hits, sooner or later. We understand and accept that the beginning of the days of being a father complete us, and at last, we can be at peace.
Happy Father’s Day!
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