The foundations of love are trust and security. This is extremely crucial in a parent-child relationship. To have a bridge and open communication channels. These are all essentials to a happy family life. It is very important that a child knows that his or her parents will always have their back no matter what.
This was not the case for a 11 year old boy in Malacca, who hid abuse marks from his parents, fearing that they would side with the teacher.
“It was repeated abuse. At first when my son complained of pain. My wife checked and found just a few marks, thus we did not think anything was amiss. “We told him to listen to his teacher and work harder,” said Mohd Nizam. However, on Oct 4, the parents noticed that their son was in intense pain and could not even lie down on his bed. “When my wife checked his body, she found multiple bruises and marks on his left arm and back.” – NST
The poor kid endured the abuse thinking he wouldn’t have his parents support at all. There wasn’t enough trust and security for him to speak out about his abuse.
#1 Learn to Listen to your Child
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Most adults tend to disregard what their kids are saying. In fact some of us are really bad listening skills when it comes to our children and that is not right. We should always listen to what our kids have to say to gain their trust. Try not to judge or divert from what they are talking about. Give them undivided time when they need to talk about something.
By knowing that you are listening, your child will feel more comfortable talking to you openly about his life. They will also know that you value their opinion, which in turn will build up their self esteem.
#2 Teach Them About Telling the Truth
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Teaching your child about telling the truth, especially with yourself as an example, will result in a strong bond. Trust is easily achievable if everyone is honest with each other. Try to deal with your child in the most honest and age appropriate way possible.
For example, explaining truthfully what will happen when she goes for her first dentist visit or telling the truth when it is something really important. The last thing you want is for your child to start keeping secrets from you. Predators of all kinds bank on this
#3 Do Not Break Promises
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This was once one of my pet peeves. A lot of adults shrug this off as the kids would forget. How wrong they are! The kids do NOT forget, they get disappointed. I’m sure as a kid you’ve experienced this before. So please, do not make any promises to your children if you cannot keep them. I understand there are many things that could influence a change in decision, but to your up most best, try not to break them. Don’t let them doubt you or think that you will always break promises. Explain in advance if changes are inevitable. Be humble about it and be able to apologise. Remember respect is earned, not given.
# 4 Appreciation of Honesty
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Praise them when they are being honest. Make it very clear to your children that honesty is appreciated. Praise them for being honest – after all it is not an easy thing to do during difficult times. This will really help to build a very trusting relationship between you and your child. Teach your child to be a person of integrity from young and he/she will go a long way.
#5 Be Consistent
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If you have set boundaries, keep them, If you have set house rules, follow them. Make sure your child understands what your expectations are. Teach them about consequences of not keeping to the boundaries and rules. Be firm and consistent. Be sure you do not constantly change the rules as you see fit or your children may start to think rules are meant to be bent.
