Malaysian teens give parents advice
Raising a teenager is no easy task. theAsianparent.com have sought the advice of a group of teens to find out what is it they want.
Has your teen complained countless of times about how you just don’t “get them”? Has your household turned into a battlefield for shouting matches, tears and pain? It is a stressful time for both parents and teens as your teen is starting to make the transition into adulthood, trying to gain independence and acceptance.
A group of teenagers told theAsianparent.com what exactly they expect from parents and what their friends do in the different age groups.
Your 13-year-old feels that parents should set their curfew between 10 pm and midnight. At this age, your child is starting to become an independent creature. They may start to hang out with their friends rather than stay at home and spend time with you. According to our interview, they may also start to experiment with new things such as experiencing their first sip of alcohol.
14-year-olds say that their parents should set their curfew at between 10.30 - 12.30am. They say that this is the age where they will begin to experiment with cigarettes and clubbing. This may also mark the beginning of their first relationship where they will experience their first kiss.
According to your 15-year-old, their curfew should be set at between 11.30 pm - 1am. At this age, your child will be experiencing body changes and they may decide to experiment with body piercings. Your child may also be exposed to party drugs when he/she is out with their friends.
16-year-olds believe that their curfew should be set at between 1 am - 2am. According to our interview, this is the age where they begin to take their relationship further. 16-year-olds say that it is during this age that they start to reach second base with their partner.
At 17 or 18 years old
At this age, your teen believes that their curfew should be set at 2am - 3am. This is the age where some teens start having sex.
Tips for parents
Reading what teens these days are doing is frightening for a parent. But we have to understand that they are growing up and that they’re not our little baby anymore. Parents have to learn to try “let go” a little and give your teen a little more space to let them explore who they are.
Here are some tips on how to keep your teen under control:
- Don’t be too strict or unreasonable with them
- Ensure that your teen are friends with people their age and not older
- Set limits and curfews (How many times a week or month they can go out/have sleepovers?)
- No sleeping over unless you know who the parents are and have them confirm the sleepover with you
- Petition for random drug testing in your child's school so your kids have a real reason not to fall to peer pressure
- Set a limit on Facebook and do a monthly random check on your teen by getting them to log into their Facebook/email/sms
- Let someone else get close to your child – like an elder cousin
- Place your teen in a sport, as this may help prevent them from smoking, taking drugs and drinking excessively
- If you find something that displeases you, don’t over-react but speak to them about it
As a parent, you have to learn how to keep a balance of freedom and control. It’s not good to be too controlling and strict when it comes to raising your teen as it may backfire and you will have a rebellious teen on your hand. If you are too liberal and easy-going, you will also risk your child taking advantage of that and stray down the wrong path.
What your teen needs is guidance, love and support. Communication is the key. Always keep be objective and keep an open-mind when you’re talking with your teen. You should ensure that your child can trust you enough to come to you when they need help.